Stumbling Block or Stepping-Stone: A Matter of Degreesº
₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪
After getting a divorce from a twenty-two year marriage and after having my third heart operation, I could have become dishearten (no pun intended) with the way my life and health was going and became angry, depressed and bitter—but I didn’t. A stumbling block is defined as an obstacle or a hindrance—surely these things could legitimately have been viewed as obstacles or a hindrance.
My life took a major turn at the age of 40—partly do to my mother. My mother was 40-years old when she gave birth to me—a breach baby. I came into this world against the grain—not the norm! The year my mother celebrated her 80th birthday, it struck me. There is a very good possibility that I will live to be 80—another 40 years. I took a real assessment of my life. I had been married 22-years, I had two wonderful and beautiful children, one grown and graduated from college, the other a junior in high school. And I was about to face another possible 40 years struggling in a marriage where I felt my husband did not like or respect me or women in general—my opinion of course. But that’s the opinion that counts.
My husband of 22-years filed for divorce, not because he wanted to, but because he wanted to save face. You see he couldn’t let it be known that his wife wanted to divorce him. When I told my mother I was getting a divorce, I thought she was going to have a heart attack. The news took her breath away and it upset her very much. You see my mother never knew there was any problems between my husband and I. I never told her my problems, or ran to “mommy” when things were not going so well. But after we talked and I explained some things to her, she started telling me things about her marriage. About some of the things she had went through with my father. Mother and dad had 13 children and dad already had 2 before he married mother. My parents were married over 50-years before my dad pass away.
Stepping-stone is defined as a means of advancement. My getting a divorce after 22-years of marriage could have been a stumbling block for me. I could have taken the view of failure, disappointment, blame and bitterness. But I didn’t. Instead I viewed it as a stepping-stone toward the person I was destined to become. I did not know fully beforehand what this person would look like, but I did know that this was one step closer to her. I have never viewed my marriage as a failure. People have asked on many occasions how I viewed or felt after getting a divorce after being married for 22-years, if I felt it was a big waste. And I tell each one that: My marriage was not a failure. That I had accomplished everything from that marriage that was intended. I had two wonderful and beautiful children, that had it not been for my marriage I would not have had. That all the thing that I learned from being in that marriage for 22-years, I will be able to help someone else in life. If I will be able to help one woman not take the same road I took, it is all worth it. If you noticed that I did not say, “mistake”. I also do not view my marriage as a mistake. Grant it, I did make some mistakes in my marriage, but the marriage was not a mistake. To view the marriage as a mistake would be to say I did not learn anything from those 22-years. And trust me, I learned a whole lot! Mainly, I learned what not to do the next time—if there ever were to be a next time.
Degree is defined as any of a series of steps or stages as well as a unit of measurement. I have looked at my life as steps and stages progressing towards a destination that is more wonderful than I could have ever imagined in my limited finite mind. I have to take and embrace the things that happen in my life as steps forward towards my destiny. I don’t know exactly what that destiny is, but I have the faith that it is where I am suppose to be. As I grow and learn, I am confident that I will never fully “arrive” at my destiny until I have left this earth. But in the meantime, I will become as whole of a person as possible—full of “joy”, “contentment”, “peace”, and “life”.
Endnote: I am now remarried, going on 3-years, to a wonderful man. I am one month away from finishing my Master’s degree. I am in the middle of changing my job and starting a career. I have formed and incorporated a non-profit faith-based counseling organization. And next year on my birthday I will be 53. Stumbling block or stepping-stone, it’s a matter of degrees—your perspective determines which one it will be.
[1] Copyright © 2006 by Minnie Patmon-McLaurin
After getting a divorce from a twenty-two year marriage and after having my third heart operation, I could have become dishearten (no pun intended) with the way my life and health was going and became angry, depressed and bitter—but I didn’t. A stumbling block is defined as an obstacle or a hindrance—surely these things could legitimately have been viewed as obstacles or a hindrance.
My life took a major turn at the age of 40—partly do to my mother. My mother was 40-years old when she gave birth to me—a breach baby. I came into this world against the grain—not the norm! The year my mother celebrated her 80th birthday, it struck me. There is a very good possibility that I will live to be 80—another 40 years. I took a real assessment of my life. I had been married 22-years, I had two wonderful and beautiful children, one grown and graduated from college, the other a junior in high school. And I was about to face another possible 40 years struggling in a marriage where I felt my husband did not like or respect me or women in general—my opinion of course. But that’s the opinion that counts.
My husband of 22-years filed for divorce, not because he wanted to, but because he wanted to save face. You see he couldn’t let it be known that his wife wanted to divorce him. When I told my mother I was getting a divorce, I thought she was going to have a heart attack. The news took her breath away and it upset her very much. You see my mother never knew there was any problems between my husband and I. I never told her my problems, or ran to “mommy” when things were not going so well. But after we talked and I explained some things to her, she started telling me things about her marriage. About some of the things she had went through with my father. Mother and dad had 13 children and dad already had 2 before he married mother. My parents were married over 50-years before my dad pass away.
Stepping-stone is defined as a means of advancement. My getting a divorce after 22-years of marriage could have been a stumbling block for me. I could have taken the view of failure, disappointment, blame and bitterness. But I didn’t. Instead I viewed it as a stepping-stone toward the person I was destined to become. I did not know fully beforehand what this person would look like, but I did know that this was one step closer to her. I have never viewed my marriage as a failure. People have asked on many occasions how I viewed or felt after getting a divorce after being married for 22-years, if I felt it was a big waste. And I tell each one that: My marriage was not a failure. That I had accomplished everything from that marriage that was intended. I had two wonderful and beautiful children, that had it not been for my marriage I would not have had. That all the thing that I learned from being in that marriage for 22-years, I will be able to help someone else in life. If I will be able to help one woman not take the same road I took, it is all worth it. If you noticed that I did not say, “mistake”. I also do not view my marriage as a mistake. Grant it, I did make some mistakes in my marriage, but the marriage was not a mistake. To view the marriage as a mistake would be to say I did not learn anything from those 22-years. And trust me, I learned a whole lot! Mainly, I learned what not to do the next time—if there ever were to be a next time.
Degree is defined as any of a series of steps or stages as well as a unit of measurement. I have looked at my life as steps and stages progressing towards a destination that is more wonderful than I could have ever imagined in my limited finite mind. I have to take and embrace the things that happen in my life as steps forward towards my destiny. I don’t know exactly what that destiny is, but I have the faith that it is where I am suppose to be. As I grow and learn, I am confident that I will never fully “arrive” at my destiny until I have left this earth. But in the meantime, I will become as whole of a person as possible—full of “joy”, “contentment”, “peace”, and “life”.
Endnote: I am now remarried, going on 3-years, to a wonderful man. I am one month away from finishing my Master’s degree. I am in the middle of changing my job and starting a career. I have formed and incorporated a non-profit faith-based counseling organization. And next year on my birthday I will be 53. Stumbling block or stepping-stone, it’s a matter of degrees—your perspective determines which one it will be.
[1] Copyright © 2006 by Minnie Patmon-McLaurin
posted by Dr. Minnie at 8:29 AM
1 Comments:
Great Blog.
Post a Comment
<< Home